Shit my mother says

Dearest Stephanie,

I wish that I’d kept a meticulous diary of all the crazy shit my mother says. I feel like it would provide a lot of insight into my deepest fears and flaws. Yesterday, I got a voicemail from her. In it, she said this:

Hello Stella. This is your mother. I wanted to tell you that your father and I are still alive. I thought you might be interested to know that.

Ha! Good one, right? So I called her back. I brief excerpt of our conversation:

My mother (answering the phone): Hello?

Me: Hi mom, it’s me.

My mother: Who’s “me”?

Me: It’s Stella, mom.

My mother: Who’s “Stella”? Do I know a Stella? I don’t recognize your voice. I haven’t heard it in so long.

Me: I talked to you a few days ago, mom.

I won’t bore you with the rest of the details, so tedious. But it got me thinking: how serious are people when they say that every woman eventually turns into her mother? I’m scared.

love,

Stella